its all the same game

Well... there are certain aspects of india which continue to get under my skin unfortunately:(
It's always about money!!!!! Because I'm white I get the skin tax. All I see is everyone running after all the outward symbols of enlighenment, talking the talk, but yet to really feel it. I left Varanasi and have arrived in Rishikesh, in Utter Pradesh. Thinking I would find peace and quiet, not!! I have fought with a cab driver about being charged too much, people are rude to me after I don't accept their offers. All I want is some place quiet to do my practice.
I've hiked up a mountain to a remote village that was suggested to me by a man I met who knows the swami's and guru's of rikhia peeth. I'm awaiting my next meeting with the older Doctor who lives up there, amongst a population of 150 peeps. Its so pristine, quiet and shanti. no noise, just gods country. I have to get out of this ceaseless throng of sensory pollution and practice my sadhana. I love this country and its people but some aspects are tiring. I know I have lots to learn but some things I know I just don't want.
Well I have 5 more days to wait till I find out if I'm accepted into the village or not, now to see what to do to keep my sanity till then.

Mother Teresa Mission

Today I started volunteering at the Mother Teresa Mission doing laundry at 7 am-9am. What an experience!! We start in the basement which is dimly lit, and the rooms surrounding it are full of beds for the homeless, mental and physically disabled. Above where we work is open all the way up to the roof so natural light gets down there, the floor is large flat rock paving. Men sitting all around, the floor is wet with water. A large square hole in the corner of the room is the drain for all the water as well as it is the toilet, which is really a chair with a hole in it just over the hole in the ground. We fill a huge metal pot with water and soap, then roll up my pant legs and jump in and start to stomp on the clothes like your making wine. Then wringe them out, rinse, wringe out, put in buckets and carry to roof to be hung on the lines.

What really effected me was the young paraplegic and mental disabled boy who crapped his pants. He was brought over beside me, his shirt removed, then he was layed down on his belly on the stone floor and his soiled pants removed. A man proceeded to pour water on his dirty backside and hand wash his bottom while he lay there. Some one else washed the crap down the hole in the floor and cleaned his shorts. Once completed he was dried off and redressed. It was a scene I will never forget, it broke my heart and warmed it all in one stroke. I find so many moments to be so complex emotionally, so many levels are touched. I see compassion, neccessity, nature, tolerance, harshness, beauty. I'm getted my brain screwed constantly. I will never be the same person again after this trip. I love all that the creator is teaching me and that I'm learning about myself and life. I want to laugh hysterically and cry at the same time, while being thankful for it all.

Commercial shoot

Today myself and the guesthouse hostess were in a commercial, shot down by main ghat at 6 am this morning. They had some fellow shave my head on the steps before hand, and then proceeded to argue about price with the producers for 15 min. My line was simple, in response to the question " why have I come to India?" " To see if they really drink the water".
Later back at the hotel we met at to change out of wardrobe, a monkey chased me and a bellboy back into the hotel. But, the bellboy slammed the door shut on me to save his own ass! lol. No worries though, I got in no problem;)

I really love India for so many reasons, but the days it sucks, it really sucks:(
It can be really lonely, as most people see me as a bottomless pocket of rupees only. Always working to overcome the language barrier, even though most know some english, you still have to be really aware of what is being said. Day by day the layers of illusion come away, I've gotten to know a couple of local guys a little. And slowly they let me know the truth of what goes on. The bottom line with all the "holy men", priests in the temples etc, is money. So that bubble burst as I like being in a certain temple, which I may return to anyways just not as often. The big lesson is not to look outside myself, the temple is really are own heart, the incense is our prayers etc.
So I spend my time learning hindi from my teacher, and tomorrow I am going to go and volunteer at the mother Tereasa mission as part of my karma yoga. I think the job they give me is washing laundry by hand, which I like to do. India is one big mirror teaching me always on so many levels. I will return next year, but probably not to a big city again, once I've got hindi under my belt I will spend my time closer to the mountains in the villages. And will practice my yoga there.

MaHa Kal temple and Diwali

I spend as many nights as I can hanging out at a 4000 year old temple down at the Burning ghat called Maha Kal. The great death temple is a Shiva temple, his death or destroyer aspect. Small inside with three shivalingams, a fire pit with skull over top. Every night at 8:30 the puja begins, the Brahman priest adorns the lingams with wreaths of flowers, om symbols and prasad then we starton the Damru( drum) Ghanta (bell), incence and smoke fill the room till your eyes burn and water. Outside people are burning there dead on huge funeral pyres. Dogs come to the door and wait to be given prasad( or a gift that gives happiness, this was a sweet) , one came and sat at the door with paws just resting over the threshold so politely waiting. It was so cute!!!
Diwali festival was last night, fireworks went off all night. Not just little firecrackers,but huge banging suckers that you felt the air pressure hit you. I got no sleep.

Namaste

Varanasi

I've decided to stay a month in a wonderful guest house here in varansi, practice my yoga, learn hindi from a professional teacher. They have a wonderful rooftop patio with grass(!!!!) that has a great view of the ganges, with birds and geckos. I practice early in the morning in the sunshine, then hindi and on with my day. Today my hostess took me with her to an audition for an Indian TV advert, so we shall see. I don't care one way or the other. Hindi is challenging, one consonant has 5 different sounds!! I am learning to read and write it, I should have a good grasp in a months time. my room is spacious with a patio and my own bathroom which opens up to the outside:)

I thought I had more to say, I guess not. More later.

Love love love